I know that the Debt Diet series was viewed in 2006 but I missed it then and since there are many others in the same boat and the content still applies – it warrants a second look.

For those of you who like me didn’t catch the original show you can still view clips and a textual summary of Oprah’s Debt Diet on her website.

In the second session of this series, Jean Chatzky leads Lisa  Bradley to transfer all of her savings into a joint account and let Steven, her husband take charge of the distribution of their money.  I don’t know about you but this did not set well with me.  I spent too many years struggling to build my own financial identity to take a step back into the 50s.  I do think that couples need to work together on budgeting and bill paying and that both need to be aware of the financial situation and limitations. However,  I would find it extremely difficult to surrender the independence I worked so hard to achieve.

That said, I do think that much of our debt crisis comes from lack of communication between husband and wife and perhaps even more so from a silent competition that grows between couples centered around who has the last word on money matters.  I grew up in a household plagued with secrets and deceit.  Every shopping spree was closeted (you know …as we put the new clothes in the closets) with the words “Don’t tell your father.”  I won’t claim to understand the dynamics that went on between my mother and father (they were ‘happily’ married 63 years – their words not mine).  Yet there was always an atmosphere of deception that hung over our home when it came to how much something cost or when it was purchased.  When complemented on a new outfit my mother would respond with “this old thing?  I’ve had it for ages.”

Although I took pride in not repeating my mother’s behavior, I haven’t always succeeded at it. My husband came into our marriage with a similar pattern.  For some reason he felt the need to conceal new tools or fishing gear.  After many conversations on the topic, we have come to a place of more openness. He understands that I don’t have a need to monitor his spending and he doesn’t need to hide his purchases.

We are still both touchy about the money we spend our adult children.  We both know that we need to take a step back and let them manage their lives without our help but knowing and doing is something else.  How do other people take a “hands off” stand with their kids once they are grownups and on their own?  How many other parents rent to their offspring at a loss?

More on reducing your family’s debt.

March 15, 2010 – I think Lotich’s insights about salesmen should be extended further to reading catalogs and watching commercials on TV. Since the advent of DVRs and TIVOS I rarely sit and watch commercials and I don’t browse malls for entertainment. So why would I want to leaf through sales papers or catalogs unless I was expressly looking to buy an item and want to compare prices? Too often looking leads to buying something we really don’t need.

March 15, 2010 – Bob Lotich offers very sound advise… I have much personal experience with marrying without the benefit of financial counseling and learned the hard way that my husband(s) handled money much differently than I would.

February 28, 2010 – If you are one those fortunate enough to still be taking vacations, this is an excellent article on how keep one affordable.

February 28, 2010 – This unfortunately is true. Most of us don’t budget our spending, we just look it over after the fact. Retirement has made me start planning more and spending less on an impulse. ]]> http://cheaplivingtips.com/blog/2010/03/14/my-notes-march-15-2010/feed/ 0 http://cheaplivingtips.com/blog/2010/02/08/my-notes-february-8-2010/ http://cheaplivingtips.com/blog/2010/02/08/my-notes-february-8-2010/#comments Mon, 08 Feb 2010 06:09:11 +0000 Susan http://www.cheaplivingtips.com/cheapliving/my-notes-february-8-2010

February 3, 2010 – This is good reading and excellent advise. I recently watched a video (sorry I forget where) in which an group of people shared how losing their job changed their lives for the better because they used that opportunity to start doing something they loved. Pagliarini points out that you don’t have to wait until you are unemployed to start exploring your talents and passions. I give it a 9!

February 3, 2010 – This is long overdue! Nothing irritated me more than to watch my friends’ kids spend money on foolish things and not have a clue where that money came from.

February 3, 2010 – I really blew this one…instead of paying everything off I went out and bought a new car the year before I retired so I’m stuck with payments for another three years. Told myself it would be like getting a raise at the end of the contract when I no longer had that payment. I also ‘borrowed’ to buy an additional year of service credit for my retirement fund. This however almost balances out as the increase in monthly income ALMOST covers the amount deducted to pay for added time. Again, in four years time I will give myself a ‘raise’ because this will be paid off and I will get the full benefit added into my monthly check.

I did do well with the credit card issue though. I only use credit cards for expenses I can pay in full at the end of the month or purchases that come with a no interest for 12 months option. I find that using a card gives me a more visual handled on what I am spending and helps me keep it in check.

February 3, 2010 – Must read for the frugal minded! I do take offense that Farrell says no one wants to be known as cheap! A rose by any other name….

I highly recommend putting CBS MoneyWatch RSS into your feed. ]]> http://cheaplivingtips.com/blog/2010/02/08/my-notes-february-8-2010/feed/ 0