I know that the Debt Diet series was viewed in 2006 but I missed it then and since there are many others in the same boat and the content still applies – it warrants a second look.
For those of you who like me didn’t catch the original show you can still view clips and a textual summary of Oprah’s Debt Diet on her website.
In the second session of this series, Jean Chatzky leads Lisa Bradley to transfer all of her savings into a joint account and let Steven, her husband take charge of the distribution of their money. I don’t know about you but this did not set well with me. I spent too many years struggling to build my own financial identity to take a step back into the 50s. I do think that couples need to work together on budgeting and bill paying and that both need to be aware of the financial situation and limitations. However, I would find it extremely difficult to surrender the independence I worked so hard to achieve.
That said, I do think that much of our debt crisis comes from lack of communication between husband and wife and perhaps even more so from a silent competition that grows between couples centered around who has the last word on money matters. I grew up in a household plagued with secrets and deceit. Every shopping spree was closeted (you know …as we put the new clothes in the closets) with the words “Don’t tell your father.” I won’t claim to understand the dynamics that went on between my mother and father (they were ‘happily’ married 63 years – their words not mine). Yet there was always an atmosphere of deception that hung over our home when it came to how much something cost or when it was purchased. When complemented on a new outfit my mother would respond with “this old thing? I’ve had it for ages.”
Although I took pride in not repeating my mother’s behavior, I haven’t always succeeded at it. My husband came into our marriage with a similar pattern. For some reason he felt the need to conceal new tools or fishing gear. After many conversations on the topic, we have come to a place of more openness. He understands that I don’t have a need to monitor his spending and he doesn’t need to hide his purchases.
We are still both touchy about the money we spend our adult children. We both know that we need to take a step back and let them manage their lives without our help but knowing and doing is something else. How do other people take a “hands off” stand with their kids once they are grownups and on their own? How many other parents rent to their offspring at a loss?
More on reducing your family’s debt.
